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In the past few weeks we have had what some call a ‘crawl’ across our television screen saying, “It is time to replace your smart CARD OR maybe it said, your smart CARD is out of date please call this number at your earliest convenience.” I had no idea what it could be and just ignored it for awhile and then it began to hang there across the screen to the point that I could not watch my favorite program.

Finally Pat got aggravated when one of his football games had this crawl across it blocking his view of some really important plays and so he took down the number and called the number on the screen and gave them what for! Seems you were supposed to call and get instructions for having a smart card mailed to your address but the catch was that it could take between 10-30 days to reach you. I guess its something that makes your television work, I really have no idea.

He then went a step further and said if they didn’t cut through the nonsense and rigmarole about the smart card, he’d just cancel his Dish account and get another service. It seems like it was about there that they reconsidered the time to get a smart card to him and cut right on through the red tape and in just 20 minutes he was hooked up from where ever in India these people were located. Amazing what can happen when you threaten to bolt isn’t it?

The amazing thing is this card doesn’t cost anything, but they want customers to have to go to the hassle of ordering and putting it in. I just don’t understand any of it.

I had already talked to a voice on the other end of the phone about a smart card and you should have heard this person trying to tell me what it was. I had no idea for certain and I kept asking her what it was for, why did I have to have one and where do you put it? I knew where I thought they might put it however. She did tell me that all people who have Dish Network have them already but that ours was out of date. All I know is that I never put any kind of smart card into a slot on my television. Now maybe the people who installed it did that and didn’t mention it to me. I wonder how often your smart card becomes invalid. Guess I should ask.

I told her and I will tell you I have never had knowledge of a smart card or a dumb card or any kind of card on my television and unless it was put there by divine intervention, or possibly the man who installed the Dish Network but obviously I wasn’t watching him.

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In the recent past I am sure you have also heard all the announcements about the converter box for high definition television. It’s a box or some gizmo that everyone who doesn’t have satellite reception (and maybe some who do have it) will need to order this thing. All television will be broadcast in HD TV. Again you will have to call a number on the screen and order. I don’t understand why this is necessary when so many of us have older televisions that work just fine without high definition thank you very much but that isn’t going to be good enough after February 2009. I understand this particular thing is due to government intervention. Unless you get this converter you will not be able to use your television, period. We have Dish Network but we get local Austin channels so we will still need the converter thing and they do provide a coupon to be used to defray the cost of the converter but they don’t tell you how much it is and you only get one coupon. I wonder who is making the money off this thing?

This newest technology is really too much for me. I can just barely use my cell phone and I have had it for 8 years and now iPhone’s are the newest and best. I don’t want anything else that I have to fool with any more than necessary. I can take pictures with my cell phone but then I don’t know what else to do with them so what good is that? I am really out of my element here.

Smart cards and converter boxes are over my head and I know there are bound to be more people who know even less than I and how in Sam Hill will they know what to do and instead of interrupting our television viewing, couldn’t they send out notices? Everything is done electronically and I am still in the old fashioned way using the postal service.

I’m still trying to find someone who can tell me if down in this hole where we live on Klett Ranch Road couldn’t we get high speed internet. I have called a few but they won’t come out and check your location to see if its even possible without making out a work order and taking down your credit card information. I didn’t like that idea at all. It’s easy to give out that information but try getting a refund on the charges if it doesn’t work out.

I know I am being cranky but the electronic age is going so fast I can’t get the hang of one thing before its obsolete and something else is on the market that I will have to learn. What I need is a SMART CARD for my brain but I really don’t know where to put it.