School’s back in session! Most kids are excited about football games, school dances, and getting together with old friends. An air of anticipation hangs over the heads of our young students, after all, what’s more exciting than the promise of scholastic discovery that accompanies a new school year?

Those are things that excite most kids, but what about the kids who are hesitant about beginning a new school year? Youngsters who refuse to go to school for reasons they can’t or many times won’t articulate to their parents. These are the hundreds of timid young victims across our nation that don’t want to go to school because they know that sometime during the day the school bully is going to corner them either to taunt, ridicule or physically abuse them.

Most of us have been bullied at one time or another and we know exactly who the bully is. Usually, he’s the one who is bigger, louder, more aggressive, angrier, and more out of control. He’s the one who seldom follows the rules, and the one who always wants to be the center of attention. He’s the one who is defiant to adults and even teachers. Yes, we all know who he is. What we don’t know is how to protect our children, and ourselves from him.

Bullying is much more than physical contact. Bullying includes manipulation, verbal harassment, physical touching, tripping or pushing another, making fun of a person’s clothes, speech, or color. The victim of the bully is harassed because of his size, either too fat or too skinny, his eye glasses, his physical handicaps, and myriad other things that cause physical and/or emotional pain to the young person on the receiving end of the bully’s behavior.

How can a victim kid win against a bully? That’s a tough question. Some parents instruct their child to hit back if the bully hits him. I don’t agree with that one. I really think that violence begets violence, and based on that assumption the hitting really, really doesn’t work. Also, it’s a dangerous tactic because it opens the victim to even more victimization from an aggressive bully. I think the best avenue to take is to instruct the victim to report any and all bullying, physical or emotional to an adult who is in charge. Let the adult take care of the bullying behavior.

Alarmingly, what statistics show us is that bullying behavior, if not corrected, will endure a lifetime. A bully will continue his aggressive behavior from the play ground to the school cafeteria, to the science lab, to graduation, to courtship, to the job, and finally to his family. A childhood bully becomes the adult who beats women. A childhood bully is the adult who enjoys humiliating others. A childhood bully becomes an adult who exhibits road rage. A childhood bully is one who yells at the convenience store clerk for no reason. A childhood bully enjoys scaring and terrorizing those weaker than him. A childhood bully develops into the adult who has no impulse control, no self control, and continuously bullies throughout his life.

Prisons are full of bullies. They are the adults who don’t believe the rules apply to them, so they frequently and routinely break the law. Criminal behavior goes hand in hand with bullying. As years pass the police will be called on again and again to control the bully, because he is unable to control himself.

Besides the bully we must consider the ramifications of the person being bullied. What happens to a person if he is a victim of continuous bullying? Read Jamie M. Ostrov, Developmental Psychologist, Assistant Professor Ph.D., University of Minnesota who says, “some children, pushed to their limits, have lashed out at their tormentors in violent ways.” Ostrov noted several school shootings, including those at Columbine and in Paducah, Ky., were committed by children who had been bullied for years prior to the killings. Unfortunately, when these children retaliated they didn’t aim only at their aggressors.

What can adults do? A younger child will usually tell you if they are bullied where as an older child will not. A bullied child may become withdrawn, or morose, they may cry as they lay in the bed trying to sleep. Often eating patterns maybe interrupted. Sometimes victims believe they are culpable for the bully’s torments. Sadly some of these victims will feel suicidal, and many will try to commit suicide

Bullying is a national epidemic, and one of the best preventatives to bullying is to be involved with your child and their activities. Ask your child how school is going. If you have observed bullying behavior please report it to a school official. When you pick your child up from school keep an eye out for the kid who is intimidating another child, or listen when your child tells you what took place on the school bus ride home.

I would hope that any adult, parent, friend, relative etc. would take it upon themselves to keep a more vulnerable youngster from being bullied. It is up to adults to stop any form of bullying when and where we observe it. Let us stop bullying before it has a chance to get started this year. Let us stop it quickly before a child’s life is tragically ruined. Each student has the right to go to school without being afraid. Let us make sure 2008-2009 is a safe and prosperous school year for each student.

Parents please listen to your children, and report any and all bullying to school authorities.

Marian Hoy, BS, Criminal Justice MS, Business