Columns see more »

Ok, I like to talk and tell stories, hence the name of my column right? Since no one really knew what Quidnunc, my previous column name, was I decided to go back to the simpler name, The Storyteller.

Someone who shall remain nameless once said to me, “You are the only person I know of that can write a whole column (1000 words) about a mayonnaise jar.” My answer was that those of us with a lick of sense write about what we know and sometimes that will be the unimportant. I do care about what goes on in my community but beyond that I will let them that know about that...tend to that and I will write as I always have, sometimes the silly or personal; hoping to find readership in what I tell about.

I am often asked how I can do this writing on a weekly basis; where do I find the ‘stories’ or ideas? That is the easy part, finding them, deciding which to write about is the hard part. Sometimes I have 3 or 4 stories on the shelf already written up and other times I have to really put on my thinking cap. Admittedly, the following ‘story’ about the mayonnaise jar was a reach, but actually some who read it said, “I hate the new jar too,” indicating they actually read what I write. Sooo...life happens to me and I write about it.

I ranted and raved about the newly designed mayonnaise container. You couldn’t even call it a jar since it was plastic and sort of an oval shape. If you recall or still see these particular jars, they have the most unusual flip tops I have ever seen. The manufacturer claims (and I disputed) that this new jar/container is so much easier to get the mayonnaise out of and even the last few bits are easily reached.

I found none of the claims to be true. The lid itself was hard to open and once you managed the ‘easy’ flip top, you then had a little bitty silver colored ‘safety’ seal to pull off before exposing the mayonnaise. This was almost impossible to do as the little tab was so tiny. Once opening the jar and getting to the bottom of the jar a few weeks later, retrieving those last bits of mayonnaise was awful. I was covered from finger tips to elbow nearly and very agitated.

I swore off of Kraft Mayonnaise and began to use Hellmans which I wasn’t fond of but considering it had a regular jar and lid, I was willing to try it. Then wouldn’t you know that Hellmans began to use the funny shaped container with the awful lid as well.

Advertisement • Your Ad Here

Back to Kraft I went. I did write to Kraft when the new design came out and fussed in my very nicest voice saying something like, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. I remember that I also said it was probably suggested by some man who never made his own sandwich anyway!” No reply.

But just the other day while buying groceries I have noticed that Kraft is back to its regular glass jar and screw on lids. Hallelujah! So marketing does listen, although it took a few years to admit their mistake. Just to get even they have redesigned the label! It used to be I could shop just by looking at the items; I knew what it looked like and didn’t need to read any brand names. But now it takes ages to go through all the different looks of the labels and some brands are copying the look of a competitors label and you really have to study each one to get what you want. Don’t you wonder why the idiot in design says one day, “Lets mess with the housewives and change the label?” So, whats a girl to do when she’s in a hurry? I know...come home with the wrong thing.

Right now Pat and I are drinking different kinds of soft drinks, and I just can’t call it ‘pop’ or ‘soda’, sorry, and I buy caffeine free drinks for him and regular diet for me. Reading the labels is time consuming so I have come to realize that all caffeine free drinks come in gold boxes or gold colored cans and regular are silver. That helps me get home with the right ones, but try buying tomato sauce. There are at least 10 varieties of tomato sauce in one brand! You’ve seen it, with salt, no sodium, with herbs or without, Mexican or Italian, it goes on and on. I hardly ever get home with the right tomato sauce anymore.

These are the little aggravations of daily life that challenge us anymore. We have way too many choices at the grocery store. I liked it better when you either chose Heinz or Hunts Tomato Ketchup or is it Catsup? Often I just grab what is on the shelf without doing due diligence and when I get home and Pat helps me unload or stock the pantry, he will ask, “What’d you get this for; it’s not the kind we use?” This is when I who probably spent an hour at HEB buying groceries, take umbrage at his question. I say, “Pat I am going to make a list of groceries and I will even name the brands of certain items and you can go to the store and buy the groceries next week and we’ll see what you come home with.” Of course he thinks he can do it. He has no idea how easy it is to get the wrong thing or even to come home with everything on the list.

So here is another innocuous story written about the every day things in life that may either give you a grin or make you say, what was that all about? You want to hear a story?