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Our County Road might have been aptly named Tin Can Alley until last Saturday when twin three year olds, Katie and Maddy Hacker and Granny, that’s me, cleaned up the bar ditches. The girls came out for a visit with me and Pat and I decided that I’d take them for some clean-up duty. They love to ride in our Mule and so off we went with gloves and a blanket (it was a bit chilly) looking for those bright shiny tin cans otherwise known as beer cans, not to mention quite a few brown beer bottles and a fair amount of Dairy Queen throw aways.

Katie and Maddy weren’t too sure about tromping through the weeds to pick up ‘yucky – stinky’ stuff but after a few minutes they were happy to take turns shagging for the trashy loot. Don’t you wonder why people would trash a road or highway when whatever it is that they are so anxious to get rid of they only minutes before held in the hands? Couldn’t they hold on to it until they get to their own home and chunk it there? I guess not or maybe they are afraid the ‘little woman’ might be annoyed to find the back end of their truck or floor of their car to be full of beer cans.

Our County Road is a dead end so there is no reason to think the ‘trash chunkers’ are just riding out our way for a bit of bucolic country scenery and freshness. I don’t even want to think that anyone who lives on our road would trash it like this and there is the possibility that the people who do chunk are seasonal hunters with no personal ties to this beautiful spot of the hill country; they come, they hunt, and they leave and they even use our garbage cans which are placed along the road.

But we didn’t even get out of the drive way to our house until we saw where someone had ‘chunked’ a brown beer bottle right behind the big rock that says Private Drive SMITH RANCH. "Look Granny, there’s one!" See I had made a game out of being a steward of the land for the girls promising the one who spied the most trash would win a prize. We had a fun game of I SPY. Then it became so much fun they had to take turns jumping out of the mule and bagging the can or bottles. They are very competitive these sisters so sometime I had to arbitrate.

Katie usually sits next to me and Maddy on the outside but I have an arm around both of them and Maddy sits tucked in next to the guard rail. Because Katie sits next to the steering wheel and key, and foot pedals, she asked a million questions about how to use these things. Pretty soon she was sitting in my lap steering very well down the road and when she’d veer to one side or the other I’d just say, "Katie go the other way and she was on it!" Maddy even said to me, "Granny, K K doesn’t even run off the road like you do!" Yes, Maddy...Katie is a good driver.

When we’d stop for a pickup Maddy would be the first to ‘de-mule’ since she was on the outside, but before she’d put her feet down, she’d call to me, "Turn it off Granny." The other admonition Maddy would make was to tell me, "Both hands on the wheel now Granny." So "Mads" is my safety director on these sojourns and Katie is the driver. There were a few places that Maddy deemed too sticky to get into and would tell me it was my turn or even K K’s turn. They don’t like the owie’s in the brush.

It only took the girls once each to pick up a can with some beer still in it before they knew to turn it upside down and very carefully pour out anything left in.

On our drive we found some interesting things. We found a 2010 Farm&Ranch trailer license plate, part of a ceiling fan, a box that a computer came in, paper plates, empty cigarette packages and best of all, a half full ‘spit bottle’ with lid still on, thank goodness ( imagine having to explain that to a three year old). We even found an uncapped bottle of Sprite mixed with whiskey and we know that because when it poured out some got on one of the girls shoes and I could smell it (nasty, nasty).I guess either it didn’t taste too good or the person got caught while imbibing and chunked it. The only thing we didn’t see on our county road was dirty diapers. That fact alone tells me that no one lives on our road that has a baby or else they are good stewards and take the dirty diaper home and dispose of it there.

I have seen pickup truck beds almost spilling over with cans and bottles but apparently those traveling our road don’t like to mess up their truck bed so they chunk.

It doesn’t bother me one bit that people enjoy adult beverage but I wish they’d take the empties on home to get rid of them. I realize I am on a ‘rant’ but may I tell you that even though we, my little cleanup crew and myself, picked up 87 bottles or cans, all matter of paper trash, a fan part and a license plate, there were innumerable things chunked over fences that we couldn’t reach.

Today when Pat and I drove the Mule down to our garbage cans to dispose of our loot about a mile and a half from our ranch, we picked up another dozen or so cans that weren’t there yesterday. So all together on the 3.8 mile stretch from our ranch to Highway 291 W, we gathered up nearly a smooth 100 cans or bottles. That is a shame and there ought to be a law and as a matter of fact there is a sign on this road that clearly states, LITTERING IS UNLAWFUL.

In case you are wondering what the beer of choice is: 1.)Bud Lite, 2.) Keystone Lite, 3.) Dairy Queen soda. It tells me the beer can chunker is someone on a diet. Hence the lite beer cans!