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Its gnat season at the Smith Ranch. Nothing is going on outside because these damnable tiny insects are driving us crazy. I can’t relax with a good book out on the porch in my swinging bed, I can’t plant the seeds that need to be planted, I can’t stand very long to water the plants, in fact anything we need or want to do outdoors can’t be done here until the gnats leave and after that I guess it will be oak worm season. At least you can see where the hanging worms hang out and I carry a three foot yard stick when I venture out of the house and wave it madly about over my head much like a helicopter blade.

I’m not sure if it’s that the gnats land on you or buzz about you that bothers me the most. I would hate to swallow a gnat, or sniff one up my nose, or imagine if you had a hearing aid, how loud that noise would be. I read that gnats are constantly reproducing and one laying of eggs equals hundreds of baby gnats. Imagine that.

I have gone online looking for a solution to the gnat situation. I have found that different mixtures of vinegar and things such as Dawn dish detergent or vinegar and water, or anything sweet with vinegar will help. You fill, or nearly fill, a jar with vinegar and add a tablespoon of Dawn, then punch holes in the top of jar. Supposedly the gnats will fly into the jar and be trapped there. We will see. I have one in my sink for those that may be hiding in the drain pipes and one outside where I sit.

I already knew about dabbing oneself with bits of pure vanilla extract. Back in Liberty, the swampland of the Gulf Coast region we had gnat season too. The gnats always arrived at the same time as our Magnolia Ridge Country Club Golf Tournament. This was the big social and gaming event in Liberty County. Each golfer and each attendee received small vials of pure vanilla to dab themselves with and I remember it helped. When it would wear off a bit, you just dabbed a bit more. Oh yes, very definitely people had curious reddish brown ‘polka dots’ over their face, ears and arms but it did the trick. It does smell good too and it’s a fairly good deterrent and you might try it if you have to be outdoors for any length of time.

Some people say that gnats and fruit flies are one and the same. I don’t think so because I have had a fruit fly around before and they don’t make noise that I can hear but I can hear a gnat when it gets within a foot or two of me. The dogs hate them as much as I hate them because I see them swatting at them. The buzzing is as annoying as the landing on your eyelashes, ear or nose. It makes me itch just to think about these pesky insects and they don’t even bite, or the gnats we have don’t bite.

Since I began this article I did make two so called gnat traps; however that said I followed instructions and I caught zero gnats, not one inside the house or outside. But Pat had a better idea as he usually does about how to deal with gnats and it is this; put an amount of vinegar (2 tablespoons) in a saucer and add a couple of drops of a thick dish washing detergent to the saucer. The gnats are attracted to the vinegar (because it smells, I read like rotting food) and they dive in and because they are so tiny the heavy detergent coats their wings and they cannot fly out. I bet you could use baby oil if you have that around and it might be a good attractant as it smells nice too.

Fogger’s do practically no good at all except momentarily. I intend to dose and swab myself thoroughly with some kind of insect repellent (hopefully one that doesn’t smell bad) that has DEET in it before I try to read out on the swinging bed again or maybe get one of those hats that have a screen attached to at least keep the little buggers off my face and ears. I have pulled my shirt up over my ears and nose and mouth but then I thought that might look a bit peculiar should any one happen to come upon me with everything except my eyes inside my shirt. Even wearing glasses doesn’t keep gnats out of you eyes. I guess goggles would do but you know what, maybe I just need to read and relax inside the house where it is virtually gnat free and a heck of lot cooler than the outside.

My husband isn’t a fan of spraying yourself with ‘poison’ but then he will if he just has to be outside or in the pasture. I sprayed a bit on my hands the other day and then rubbed it on my face being careful not to get it in my eyes and then picked up Prissy our dog. She of course licked my hands and jumped from my lap her tongue just working like crazy to rid it of the terrible taste of the insect repellent on my hands that normally just taste a bit salty to her.

I was hoping to do a bit of yard work today if the gnats aren’t too bad and I guess I will use the vanilla on my face and the Deet stuff elsewhere and see if that does the job. I am really sick of the gnats aren’t you? I just thought about a boy Mary used to know in Liberty nicknamed “Gnat”, I think he was aptly named as he was small, pesky